**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
