he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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