So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
