please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
