Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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