My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
