sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
