I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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