Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
