I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
