Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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