.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
