They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
