i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
