smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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