my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
