ttyl tear gas
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
