No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
