i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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