I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
