I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
