this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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