with your own penis?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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