this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
