I wish my penis had an off switch
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
