Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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