Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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