Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
only if we run a train.
done.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
