Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
