this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
