at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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