last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
