I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
