She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
