I will die if light touches me.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
