Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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