also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
