There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Terrible idea I love it
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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