So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Watching her eat just hurts me
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
