also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
