WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
