IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Randomize
