i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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