There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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