After last night, I could never be a politician.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
