guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
