Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
