I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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