your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
