Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
