Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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