it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
