i jhust puked up my retainher.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
