i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Houston, we have a blender
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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