I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
